lately i’ve been having a really rough time. i don’t know how to describe it other than a ‘funk’. i’ve been struggling to do anything (work out, read my Bible, pray, work) but be lazy. sloth should be my middle name at this point. i feel a bit like i’m on a boat stuck out at sea in really choppy waters. getting slammed down over over while be tossed around. i want to be joyful and energetic but its been hard.
i dunno what my problem is. i’ve really been struggling with my dad. i’m the only one that talks to him and the only one that goes to visit and i think i’m putting pressure on myself about. i don’t have to talk to him or visit him, but i do want to. however, i’ve been struggling to make sure that i’m not looking for my validation in him (i used to really want it, but i know that i don’t need it at all) i think my funk came from being so alone in mt. pleasant. at school i’m surrounded by people i love and who love me. i have amazing friends who are constantly pushing me towards God. i’m also in a routine at school (for those who know me know i absolutely love routine and structure). here i’ve been lazy and haven’t done much of anything and my schedule is constantly changing. so i think if i make a routine for myself i’ll feel better. i should be able to push myself towards God, but when i’m here alone its pretty easy to let Satan in and admit defeat. especially working in a restaraunt (well atleast the one i work at) i’m constantly surrounded by people talking about sex, drinking, and drugs. i’m honestly not interested in most of that but it is definitely a huge temptation.
so the climax of my ‘funk’ consisted of me yelling at my mom and bawling my eyes out. i have the best mom ever. laid on the floor with my head in her lap while she played with my hair and read to me from Psalms. it was so calming and so amazing.
so today i start my summer anew. i’ve got a schedule made. i’m taking a break on reading the bible in order so i can read stuff that really feeds me in where i am right now. i’m going to start excercising regularly (i love to exercise it gives me time to think). and set aside some God time everyday. i’ve recently started reading this book called Too Busy Not to Pray by Bill Hybels. Its amazing I highly reccommend it.
i feel very refreshed and excited to see what God has in store for me the rest of the summer!
i hope everyone is enjoying there summer.
